Apologies

I'm sorry I can't come with anything smart to say. I try, but what do I know,right? I wish I could be like your friends, you speak so highly of them. I'm sorry. I haven't seen the things you have, I'm not as clever as you are, I'm sorry. How can I help you when I'm so broken as well? I try I really do, but it seems that whatever I say doesn't help the situation one bit. I'm sorry I don't get somethings. I'm sorry. I'm here to listen, but that also seems not be enough. I'm sorry I'm worthless.

IC

So I spent my whole day watching videos on one of my favorite charity ever. Well except when I had to go to the drivers ed, but other than that all day. I really love how a voices from a youth can have such an impact, bacause of four guys deciding to trvael to Africa they learned the tragedies, and because of they're willing to help it has happened. This thing has so much impact and it has changed the lives of many. I remember when I first stumbled across it I cried. This is something of what I wrote that day, I believe it was last year.
So many thought are racing through my head. I've just finished a documentary called Invisible Children. I've heard of it once before, but I've never checked it out til now. I watched almost all the videos they had on their website and it touched me. I'm a teenager and like all teenagers I don't appreciate all the things I have, but now that I have an idea of how kids in other contries live I have learned in a small way to be thankful for the things I have. I mean all these kids can’t sleep at home for the fear of being taken by the rebel army and taken to be killed or put to kill others. All these kids want to do is live like a normal kid they see in the movies, they want an education, they want to go to school, and we sit here and hate every second of the education that is offer to us for free. Us here in America can’t see how good we have it and many people wished they could come here and live like we do. We are all in our safe homes whining about what we don’t have, about the problems we think are huge while others don’t have a thing to eat or any possessions. We don’t have to think of what we’re going to eat, if we’re going to survive or die, who will die, and no one around us are dying by the thousands, but yet these kids dance and laugh. I may not understand their pain, but I do know that somehow someway I want to get involved as well as other organizations such as To Write Love On Her Arms.
I have a new goal this summer and its to help with whatever I have, and in anyway I can. During the whole entire time I was watching this I wanted to jump up and just dash out the door to help. The feeling keeps bothering me right now. They say the war that has been going for years might end soon, and I really do hope it ends. I didn't get to go to any of the events they had. I really wished I had heard of them so I could've gone, but it's what happens when I don't check my mail for news.

Street Zine newspaper

I passed that damn test and I now have a clean record once again. There was this one kid that reminded me of my other friend. He had been caught stealing god knows what, and now he has to pay $140 and do 48 hours of community service along with some other things I didn't get to hear, but it sure sounded like a lot. Coming out of the court building I saw a newspaper vendor. Not one of those normal vendors, but a homeless making his living selling paper about homeless people. I instantly reached into my pocket and pulled out a dollar went over to him and asked for a newspaper. You should've seen his face, it instantly lit up. I guess he wasn't doing much business. I felt so bad, I hated the people that ignored the poor guy, he's actually tying to make something of himself. I really wished I could've talked to him, I could tell he had a huge story to tell. My mom gave him another dollar and told him to keep it for himself. All these business people kept coming in and out of the building and not one payed any attention to him, they only gave him a smug look and continued on with their business. I've read alot of those newspapers and I've learned that many of them are out not on the streets because they choose to or because they do drugs. Many were abonded by their parents and it's an open wound they can't heal like this on story in the newspaper, "I've been on the street 5 years and I think it's bacause I cannot get over one thing. It's the image of my daddy leaving me on the side of the road in the snow, without a jacket, when I was seven." You would be surprise by the stories they tell, many use to be big people just like the ones giving the homeless the smug looks. I really wish I could help every single one of them, and I will one day. People look at them as deliquents when they haven't done anything. So many times have I gone to library and outside of it I see cops handcuffing them, while they look totally confuse about the whole thing. The only difference between you and them is the you have a don't have to worry about where you're going to sleep tomorrow, or what you're going to eat next. They have a reason to whine and yet they don't, they suck it up and try their best to make it out of there. There's writers, poets, artist, accountents, managers, mothers, fathers, teens, children along with other people and they didn't choose to live that way, it was from one day to the next.

1,2,3,4 how does it go again?

How many heads have you turned? You snake yourself into everyone's head to make yourself look so innocent. Oh honey if only they knew, your head has been chopped off, youre tongue tied to the back of your head...

The weather has been really hot. It's summer Liz what do you expect? I'm going to take my driver's test tomorrow, I hope I pass. I'm really nervous. What if I flunk?! Well I can't I have court on Monday. Ahhh! I'm scared! I watched Battle Royale and man dude that's a bloddy movie. If you haven't watched it you should, it's pretty quite good if you dont mind blood and kids killing each other. I won't tell you what it is about, you just have to see the trailer. I had a lot of things I wanted to say, but now it seems they all went away. I really need to start writing things down. Tell me a story, I'm dying to hear one.

your blogger,

Lizz

Beatlemania, books,and overrated movies

While The Beatles Anthology loads on Youtube I'll write something. It rained really hard on what I think was Thursday, but I'm not very sure. I didn't get to see since I was in the drivers class, but my dad said it was a pretty nasty. I could hear the thunder though and it was pretty loud. I really love when it rains and there's a bunch of thunder, especially when it knocks things down. I finished my first week of the stupid class just two more weeks to go. I met this girl there, she's pretty cool. Today looks really pretty and bright, hopefully it stays like this and doesn't rain later on at night. I recieved my report card from school, and I don't have to worry about signing up for reconnect. Wooo! I still need a job and I still haven't put much effort. Lately I've been feeling really dizzy and heavy. I guess you could call it lazyness, but I don't know. It's really hot in my room and it's getting me kind of frusturated. I went to Walmart yesterday, because my mom wanted to get some flowers for the living room, and I decided to walk around. Walmart really changed alot, they moved alot of things and I hate that. I liked where everything was, but now it's confusing. Well I was walking around and I went through the art area since I've been wanting to get some paint and a canvas to start painting again, and these girls were hudled around the poster rack and drooling over how cute the guy from Twilight is. Don't get me wrong Robert and Tyler are two really hot guys, but I hate that these girls run around saying how they're going to marry him and stuff. I knew about the books way before the movie, and I remember I would carry Twilight around in seventh grade and kids would say how they would never read the book and that it sounded pretty dumb. Now that its the big thing the same kids are reading the book and drooling over it. Everywhere I go I see Twilight. I'm a big fan of the author, but these kids are making it overrated. Its like Harry Potter all over again. I hate when books get turned into movies, and recently I dicovered another one of my favorite books is getting a show on CW. The damn show doesn't even keep up with the things in the book. Well enough of my anger mode on books and movies, lets talk about you. What are you up to?

your blogger,

Lizz

Driving school, classes and jobs

Yesterday was my first day of driving school. I'm not going to driving school,because my parents or I want to, but because the court ordered me. You see I have two tickets for driving without a license and without insurance. Oooooh! As I sat there the the instructures introduced themselves, which I don't remember there names, but I'm sure I will after a while, I felt like punching almost every teenager there. Teens can be very rude. The room was packed and we had to use more chairs from other parts just to sit kids down, in total there was about 36 of us from what I heard from the teacher. She explained how maturity was a big part of receiving our license and how half of us in there were not going to receive it. I would rather take the test than go to the classes since I already know how to drive and the answer to the questions, but it was a court order. I only have to deal with it for three weeks, Monday through Friday from six to eight. Oh boy am I going to have an interesting three weeks. I still haven't found a job, but I haven't put much effort into it. I really need a job to help my parents and their situation, but I also have school to go to. I still have to sign up for it. Ah it's to much, but I can't be telling my self that or I'm going to start putting things off. I have all summer. I want to go to Florida or Georgia to visit my family, but I have to much to do. My dad's birthday is going to be this 16 and so is Father's Day. Don't know what I'm going to get him yet. Last year my mom bought him a beer and put a bow on it, but since he doesn't drink anymore I need something else to buy him. I'll think of something or I can just make him something. I have alot of things to do other than the listed above, but I'll get to them somehow. How do you like your summer so far?

your blogger,

Lizz

Dream or reality?

Yesterday was really fun and relaxing. Irving, Joanna and Andy went; I really thought I wasn't going to go and that made me feel really bad. It wasn't the part of the party, but of letting Irving down. I have once before and it makes me feel bad when he brings it up. The graduation party was really boring, and I felt really bad keeping them there especially since Andy looked really bored, so we decided to leave to Irving's house. We took a few drinks and finished his mom's alcohol and went outside to his porch. I had only drank about three shots, I can't really remember, and decided to lay on the grass. Joanna and Andy laid faraway from me and Irving laid down with me. I never thought I would get the chance to see the stars with him, but I finially did. It was on the list of things to do. We made a promise, a promise that made me feel better. He really is part of my life, and I hope he will always be. We talked, we laughed and we just held each other; obserbing everything around us. After meeting his mom, for what will be the last time, since she kind of scares me, we left home. My dad let me borrow his car and we drove to Jack In the Box with really loud music. The streets are beautiful late at night. All in all yesterday to me was like a dream, I still can't get over how perfect it was.

your blogger,

Lizz

pretty much chill and blank

Today was really fun and calm, I love days like these. Spending the time with this one kid, the day is really magical. Flew paper airplanes off a building, and drew on stuff. Up is a really good movie, I'm glad I went to go see it. Held his hand the entire time :) I was really sad when I had to leave him, but tomorrow we may hang out once again. Summer is finally here! I have alot of stuff to do though, so I won't get to have much fun. New experiences are always good. Waiting for my dad some lady complimented on my shoes, I got kinda scared though, but smiled and thanked her. I got myself a smoothie, yummm. I haven't had much thoughts on anything, I'm sorry. I've gone blank. I hate when this happens I need to read more books. I've stopped doing that maybe that's why I'm blank. Book is always a good cure for the soul. I've noticed our generation is pretty much stupid. Girls walk around being proud of fuckin' the first guy they see. They're proud to end up pregnant and fighting with the girl for the baby daddy. We have kids smokin' the fuck out of their brain cells, and they walk around thinking they're all hard. Orgasms, drugs, and alcohol is pretty much what revolves around a teenager's day. Pretty pathetic if you ask me. The stupidest things is what makes you fit in with the cool crowd now a days. What goes through these kids heads? Is what I wonder. Do they not see how dumb they sound and look? Take a look at your friends, and I mean a really good look. Tell me what you think about them afterwards.

your blogger,

Lizz

cup made out of water, magic i call it :D

tick tick tick tick

Summer is nearing and the birds are singing. Stupid sun! I wish it were warm not hot, and the sun wasnt all bright. What are you going to do this summer? I have a to do list. That will be very fun and interesting, and jobs and school. Tomorrow will be the last day. I'll miss some people and some teachers. Yup I said it I might miss some teachers, well actually only one. He was a very cool teacher and he was like a father at school. I hope he doesn't get the principal job, but It's what he always wanted so I hope he gets what he wants. I wonder how next year its going to be with me being a senior and all. It stil hasn't hit me, I'm going to be a senior. Maybe if i repeat it over and over it'll seap in. I'm going to miss alot of people, especially this one kid. I wonder how my future is going to be, good? Bad? Some of my old imagination is coming back. I'm really hapy about that, I really missed it. Life is boring without imagination, its like starring at a blank wall all your life. I've really fallen for Circa Survive, I don't know how I survived life without it. Check them out if you don't know them.

your blogger,

Lizz